Late May, 1792

Alessandro knew that his beloved Vittoria, otherwise also known as Sergio Renier, had been busy lately, with duties stowed upon him by his family and his uncle. They wanted Vittoria to be a man, not a woman, and made sure he had as few chances as possible to be what he most wanted to be. This meant she had less time for Alessandro and he had not seen her since Thurenza’s healing. It was sad, because he’d been feeling better and wanted to socialize again. And then his sister had shown up and perhaps that really was for the best. Because it was not long after her arrival, that he received word from Sergio – family duties forced him to leave Venice and he did not know when he would return. And since he did not wish to hold Alessandro back, he released Alessandro from the engagement. Meaning… Alessandro no longer had a fiancé.

Angelica did her very best to comfort Alessandro after he received the letter, but that didn’t bring Vittoria back into his life. Angelica never met Vittoria and didn’t know her or the special relationship they had. He’d loved her so much, spending time with her had been amazing and she had been the bravest woman he’d met, after his sister of course. And now she was no longer part of his life. Of course there had been a hope in the letter that one day, Vittoria would return and their dreams would come true, but right now… did he dare to hope?

Alessandro tried his very best to only cry, but eventually the pain seemed to want to tear his heart apart and he had a bottle of wine sent to his chamber. Later that same evening he was drunk and he didn’t want to sit around alone to be drunk. At the same time, he didn’t want to bother his sister with it. He only told his head servant Emilio that he’d go out, but he didn’t know where. And then Alessandro ventured out into the nightlife of Venice, unescorted. He only hoped that if anyone found him and if anything happened to him, it would happen fast and not slowly. He had no fiancé anymore. She was out of his life. His life was better in some ways, but now that he was alone again, it was all different again.

He didn’t like being alone. It made him sad. Alessandro sat down by the edge of the water with the wine bottle in his hand and with another sob, he brought it to his lips again.

Felix D’Apcher were holding his head down presently. The scandal of his young wife fleeing their marriage had not as yet waned on the tides of gossip. So he was not enjoying many of his normal dens of sin… er enjoyments. But he was not hiding in shame or disgrace. Just a visage of humility. Secretly the second oldest D’Apcher was thrilled, ecstatic, overjoyed about his new freedom. You could point to any definition of happiness in any language and it would not do justice to the pleasure being single gave Felix.

However, he were strongly cautioned by his Father to keep that radiating pleasure from burning down the contracts still being worked out around the failed marriage. And so he were not found in his normal holes, nor were he seducing anything of the female persuasion, or tossing his bets at fortune. No he were entertaining one Coutesan for appearances and the game of it, enjoying his opera because—he truly enjoyed it and quietly meeting with folks he considered friends.

One such was Signor Alessandro de Verona and he were making his way through the alley closest to his home when he found the very lad. Crouched near the edge of the canal. No fine glitter, not dapper attire in bright colors, but a bottle on his lips and his head eyeing the water. Without word Felix sat next to the male Venus.

Signor de Verona. I have never seen you so… What has happened?’

@Atrice

A failed marriage or in his case, just a failed engagement, was not anything to be thrilled about when you were Alessandro and desperately needed love and support in your life. And this marriage would have been perfect! Vittoria was the best of everything, beautiful and sweet and warm like a woman, but underneath the skirts she was no woman and Alessandro really enjoyed that part of Vittoria too. But now she was out of his life and he didn’t know what to do with himself. He’d been feeling better lately and all he wanted was to enjoy life. His party and the arrival of his sister helped, but then the engagement was broken. It felt like he’d taken two steps forwards and then one back again.

And now he sat here, alone in the Venetian night, drinking by the edge of the street by the water. He didn’t know if anyone would care to approach a petty and sad thing like him. It didn’t matter. Perhaps he didn’t deserve love or attention after all. Perhaps it had all been for nothing.

As hyper and optimistic and carefree as he could be, just as sad and dark could his mind be, if he was alone and unhappy to begin with. The water seemed so tempting. Alessandro could swim, but not very well. But no, just like he could not bring that razor to his own throat, he also couldn’t jump into that dark water there. He couldn’t. He was too weak even for that…

Suddenly, there was a shift in the air next to him and a sound too – and when he looked to his side, it was Felix who had sat down next to him and now he wondered what happened. Felix, of all people, had to be the one who found him in his misery… Alessandro sat the bottle of wine between them to use his hands to wipe his eyes from the tears.

“Does it matter?” Alessandro said, looking at the handsome man who had once made him feel so bad about himself. That didn’t matter now though, did it? Did anything matter? “Nothing matters, does it? I try and I try, but perhaps I’m just not meant to be joyful. Perhaps I don’t deserve it.” He added, staring at the water again and he sighed deeply.

@Crymson

The young man, not much junior then himself was distraught and it were obvious. Felix had not true feelings of misgivings in Alessandro’s regard and if he knew the man were so dishearten by their exchange it would make him feel badly. He merely wished the forward youth to know he were not a coinsurer of such fruits no matter how inviting one of them might be.

So he sat and asked and the young male succubus looked at him and he felt the pangs of exasperation cross Alessandro’s features. Definitely not a person the youth had hoped to find him in such down trodden spirits. Or et all. The bottle released from his hands and quickly the phalanges were wiping away the saltine rivers form his blue eyes.

No dark streaks of the kohl that normally encircled those bright, presently red rimmed, portals unto his soul. Felix allowed him some semblance of privacy as he tried to remove the evidence of his sorrow. Picked up the bottle and took a drink. It weren’t what he’d drown his sorrows in, but, it would do it... eventually.

“Does it matter?”
“Nothing matters, does it? I try and I try, but perhaps I’m just not meant to be joyful. Perhaps I don’t deserve it.”

Felix sat in silence for moments thinking over the sentiment expressed and what would break a man so. Although he did not love his wife Felix did love someone else. In a manner that broke him repeatedly. But the outside world would never know it. Never see it. He buried those feelings in chance, in flesh, in spirits and in sin. And he found remote slices of happiness in the shallow pools of his depravity.

“Well Signor de Verona if finding you steeped in this sorrow, drunk and sitting near the water did not matter to me. I could have carried on. But I did not. I came to check on you. So I guess “it” does indeed matter to me.”

It were interesting that Felix would state such, he thought he rarely cared about others. But it were just not true. He were definitely not the best friend to any attractive lady but he were never purposely cruel. His attentions when waned led him to leave many arms, beds, and other such womanly deigns but he weren’t malicious in it. Just blunt. And the men he had made acquaintance with. He never shunned them.

“Happiness can never be gifted unto you ultimately from another. If it is missing in your life it is missing inside you Signor. Yes others can make us happy, and to lose that would break our hearts. But true happiness comes from on high. From within. From that piece of spirit the one god has given us life from. “

He handed Alessandro the bottle. And patted his shoulder.

“All men deserve happiness. It is one of gods commandments is it not. To be joyful. To do what makes us honor ourselves and our faith. Now, heart ache, the loss of another that we derive such pleasures from is a great pain. It is the testament to our resolve to continue in our own souls to find that which can sustain us. Those small pleasures that can carry us unto the next day and the next. “

He fell silent, looking at the water as it fluxed high and low and repeated the process infinitely. He had never shred his own sorrows with anyone.
@Atrice

It was kind of strange to see Felix here and to have Felix see him in this state, but on the other hand, it was also kind of nice that someone was here. Alessandro didn’t do well on his own; he needed support, but he didn’t want his sorrow to ruin Angelica’s first weeks in Venice. So that’s why he’d gone out to drink alone. Yet now he was not alone… even though he wondered why anything mattered at all and if he perhaps did not deserve happiness.

Felix said it did matter to him, or he’d have moved on. Alessandro looked at him with slightly red eyes after the crying. Felix was so sweet and kind, not at all what he’d expected Felix to be like. Perhaps he was one person among other people and another when you had him alone? Then Felix continued about happiness… and how it could not be given, but it had to come from the inside. That was quite deep, he thought to himself and took the bottle Felix handed to him. Alessandro was usually the talker, but Felix was not bad at this and he wanted to hear it. He needed to hear it. Happiness from within though? He thought that’s what he had, but perhaps Felix was right… if lost love meant loss of happiness, it did not come from within. He wasn’t happy within. He was just trying to be. What a mess he was!

He downed some more wine while Felix said everyone deserved happiness, and that you had to do something to be joyful again.

“I just don’t know what to do.” Alessandro said with a sigh, “I guess you’re right. I guess I’m not happy… within, in the spirit. But I don’t know how to be happy, then. I need people… I need someone I can love. And it’s not that I lost the love, because she still loves me, but… she just can’t be here with me. And we’re not going to marry. I thought I’d marry and we’d be happy together, but now it won’t happen. I’ve been trying so hard to start again, after… after I wasn’t feeling well. And I am feeling better, but now I have no one to share it with. I have no one to love.” He didn’t know if his words made sense to Felix at all and honestly didn’t think about it either. At least now though, Felix got the truth of it – that Alessandro was no longer engaged and that his beloved was gone. And that was what was wrong and brought him to this state.

Alessandro was glad that Felix was here though. It meant there was someone to talk to and someone else he could think about, but himself. He handed the bottle back to Felix, “What’s your reason for being out alone then?”

@Crymson

He listened to Alessandro tell him what was wrong. And Felix could understand some of it. It was why he enjoyed the gambling halls and the sporting events to be around others. They were interesting places to meet new ladies, but, he also met men as well. Places that were noisy and usually robust that could cloud out his own thoughts because of the din.

“Well what do you like to do most?
You need people so… go where people are. All over the city are balls, masks and there are Opera’s and Casino’s. Go to the church and listen to the choir. And why not love yourself Alessandro?
You are a vivacious young man. What is wrong with loving you?
You cut a good figure, you have such sensuous lips. And you can wear glitter better than most young ladies I know. Hire a courtesan to entertain you until you can find other things that stir you.”

He took the bottle back from his down trodden companion and drank. And thought on how best to explain what her were doing without being utterly … unkind.

“My friend unlike you who has love. Your companion that cannot be with you for other reasons, you know still loves you. It is a grand thing that. One that should not be moped over. Celebrated every day that you know you are loved fully.

I have a love… that burns every ounce of me… and I can never experience that nirvana. Never. And the farce of my wedding, and thankfully the girl took flight to spare us such unhappiness… has left me in a bit of a ruin. I must stay down and not stir too much trouble until our families cement their contracts through this tragedy. So I was coming to see you in fact and see if you’d enjoy a night out with me and a few companions. Ladies I fear but they are skilled at many things and will happily entertain you.”

@Atrice

Felix was sweet for sitting here with him and talking. He suggested Alessandro went where people were and wouldn’t he just love to do that! But not on his own. He wouldn’t do that. Couldn't! He needed to go with someone, or he feared what might happen if he met someone less… kind… someone like… someone who’d hurt him and not care. He would love to go out, but he didn’t dare go alone, and he needed someone who could protect him, should something bad happen. He wasn’t sure if he could stand another dark incident in his life. Felix of course didn’t know all this; he said Alessandro should love himself and that there was nothing wrong with loving himself.

He sighed though when Felix paused, “I can’t hire a courtesan… I don’t want to be lied to. I want it to be real.” He said, “I’m not like you, I can’t just… pretend to enjoy myself. It has to be real. And I want to go out, but I need someone…” It was so difficult to explain, because Felix just didn’t know and he wasn’t sure if he wanted to share the most recent dark times of his life with Felix. And why did he not love himself? He didn’t know, honestly. It was something that went far back in his life, to his childhood and youth with an older and abusive brother who tore him down – and he had just his younger sister to rely on, back then.

Alessandro had then wondered what Felix was doing here, in an attempt to think about something else than his own sorrow. Felix then spoke of love too, to Alessandro’s surprise. Had he been wrong about Felix all along? Was there a man in there, who yearned for more than just the merry life of a bachelor in Venice… but apparently couldn’t have it, it seemed. He said he loved someone, and it burned within him, but nothing would ever come of it. Then he went on to speak about his wedding; Alessandro recalled the engagement party and even then, bride and groom had not seemed that eager about each other.

Now, how could he not smile when Felix then revealed he was coming to see Alessandro to invite him out for a night with him. This was exactly what he needed! And now, he even grinned when Felix spoke about ladies, “You make it sound as if I don’t like women.” He said to the other man, “I do. I enjoy all the pleasures I can… when I can… and when it feels right.” He then added, “I'm sorry to hear that you're unhappily in love though. That must be terrible. I understand you want your mind off that. You’d really invite me out as your companion for a night of joy? I thought… I thought you weren’t so fond of me… but you're so kind.” He blushed a little in the faint light by the canal, feeling a bit shy and embarrassed about that fact, but he felt Felix ought to know. For being so kind to him, Felix deserved the truth; and he deserved to know that he’d changed Alessandro’s mind about him.

@Crymson

“I can’t hire a courtesan… I don’t want to be lied to. I want it to be real.” He said, “I’m not like you, I can’t just… pretend to enjoy myself. It has to be real. And I want to go out, but I need someone…”

Felix sat very quiet listening to Alessandro and his first reply stung. Stung mightily. Did he pretend? Sometimes yes he did but not always. Not more often than. Felix enjoyed flirting and quite literally charming the stays off many a lady. But was it all pretend? If one sought a commitment from the dalliance, then yes, it were. But if they were out just to enjoy the moment, or moments then no he were not utterly false.

“A well educated Courtesan does not have to lie. They do not have to pretend. They won’t accept your company if they don’t wish it. They are not simply whores. You’d do well to remember it.”

It was tight and clipped. He was stung and sore over it. As if he had to hire people to like him. It definitely made him rethink his association with the De Verona nobility at present. But had he not upset the man in the same fashion when they first met? Yes he had. Touché Alessandro. And he let it go as quickly as it rose.

“You make it sound as if I don’t like women.” He said to the other man, “I do. I enjoy all the pleasures I can… when I can… and when it feels right.”

At this he raises a brow and look questioningly at the man. This night he was remorse and lacking his usually décolleté and glitz. But normally he were preening and sparkling.

“Escuzi. My apology. But you only flirted with the men.”

He shrug. Take the bottle back and drink. Laughing under his breath.

“best of both worlds then hmm?

“I'm sorry to hear that you're unhappily in love though. That must be terrible. I understand you want your mind off that. You’d really invite me out as your companion for a night of joy? I thought… I thought you weren’t so fond of me… but you're so kind.”

He nod and offered the bottle back to his interesting companion.

“I did, but I was going to have us entertained by such women that you can’t seem to stand.”

@Atrice

Alessandro didn’t consider the way his words about Felix might have sounded… Felix just seemed like such a different type than Alessandro was. Alessandro was all about real emotions and he didn’t hide them. He sat out here crying, didn’t he? Over a lost love! But Felix came here and sat with him, yet his impression of Felix so far was that the man was not like Alessandro at all. He thought Felix would get himself a courtesan just because he felt like it. Because they could offer him a fun night and pretend to love him. Alessandro didn’t want pretense.

Felix replied with a very firm tone, that a courtesan didn’t have to lie, because they did not accept the company of someone they didn’t want. Alessandro nodded, he knew they weren’t whores; his dear friend Michela had been a courtesan once too, after all. He sighed, “I know, but… it still won’t be the same…” He said and didn’t dare to look at Felix because Felix sounded almost hurt, and Alessandro wasn’t sure what he did wrong this time. Perhaps he just couldn’t do anything right. It was a wonder Felix even cared to talk to him.

And when Felix then said something about how their company tonight might be women, and sounded as if Alessandro didn’t want that, he had to explain he didn’t mind women. Felix apologized and commented on Alessandro only flirting with men, “If you’re thinking about Lothario’s party, the only lady present was my friend. And the men… were very worthy of attention.” He added with a small smile, “The best of both worlds indeed.” He glanced at Felix with a small smile, wondering if he still wasn’t curious about it. But then he considered how Felix had hurt him at that stag party too, and thought… perhaps not. He didn’t want to be hurt again, not like that. Not at all.

But Felix would invite him out and Alessandro was honest with him, stating he thought Felix didn’t like him but that he was indeed very kind to Alessandro tonight. He took the bottle offered to him while Felix said the night he had in mind was one with courtesans. Alessandro took a good drink, considering whether he should say yes or no to this offer. He ought to say yes. He did want to go out and if he went with Felix, he wasn’t alone, and surely Felix was strong and could protect him, should anything bad happen…

“Alright, I’ll give it a try.” He finally said, “But I’ll need to change first… I’m not at all proper for entertainment. And… I need you to do something for me, if we’re going to do this together.” Alessandro said and sat the bottle down, looking to Felix again and seeming very serious, “You have to promise me, that if anything happens… anything you see I don’t seem to like… you’ll be there for me. Will you do that for me?”

@Crymson

“Nothing is ever the same as being loved my friend. Nothing. But if we do not try to enjoy the lesser forms of pleasure, then we will simply be miserable for eternity. I rather try then sit like this, and slowly rot in mire.”


He rose and offered Alessandro his hand.

“Come I would much rather you be preening with your dark kohl and that sparkling glitter in your hair, Then have you accompany in this--- sorrow.”

Once he were on his feet and speaking that Felix must promise him… promise not to leave him. Well if it were that important to get him out and in the company of others Felix could forgo a dalliance this once, if it were offered. Plus the ire of his Father if it were known presently Felix were on a tight leash to stay any more scandal.

He had not let Alessandro’s hand go just yet.

“I do so swear it for this night my friend if it will make you turn those supple lips up for me.”

Taking that hand to his mouth and pressing a kiss to the back of it. Teasing the little Venus terribly for every time Alessandro smiled his supple mouth was hard to resist.


@Atrice